Most individuals have skilled the gut-twisting awkwardness of lengthy, silent pauses in conversations. Even a pause of simply a few seconds can appear agonizingly lengthy. However expert interviewers, negotiators, and others have discovered to show that uncomfortableness into a bonus.
On this submit, we’ll focus on the facility of the pause and among the primary psychology behind it.
Gaining Consolation with Silence
As famous above, most individuals really feel uncomfortable with silence, notably after a dialogue had already taken place. Our pure tendency as people is to need to fill that silence to finish the awkwardness.
In two-sided discussions, this may profit those that know the best way to use it to their benefit. To ensure that the pause to finish, one individual has to start out speaking. If an interviewer or one get together in a negotiation doesn’t begin speaking, which means the opposite individual is probably going feeling the urge to open up.
“Attempt counting to 3—or 5 if you happen to can stand it—after your topic solutions a troublesome or considerate query. This methodology can appear agonizing at first, however used with empathy it really works wonders to develop a deeper rapport between two individuals,” says Courtney Seiter in an article for Fast Company. “Since our pure tendency is to fill in a silence, the pause can even work as an influence play in a harder situation – say, a wage negotiation.”
Silence Brings Magical Discoveries
The technique is surprisingly easy but extraordinarily efficient. Seiter notes the way it’s been used for years by skilled journalists like Jim Lehrer, who she quotes in her article:
“For those who resist the temptation to reply too rapidly to the reply, you’ll uncover one thing nearly magical. The opposite individual will both develop on what he’s already mentioned or he’ll go in a distinct course. Both manner, he’s increasing his response, and also you get a transparent view into his head and coronary heart.”
Lifeless air in a dialog is uncomfortable, however it’s far much less awkward for these creating the pause as a dialogue or negotiation technique. Understanding the facility of the pause is an easy solution to enhance interviewing and negotiation abilities.